How to make friends and influence people
Find below some pointers on how to behave when addressing a conversation with someone. So far, mostly extracted from the book: How to make friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie.
Do no criticise, condemn or complain; it makes you look bad. To teach something to someone, punishment for bad behaviour works worse than reward for good one. Incentivize people. I.E a pilot almost dies because a mechanic used the wrong fuel for the plane. Instead of being mad at him, he tells the mechanic to service again the plane for tomorrow, that he is sure that it won't happen again.
People desires to be great and important. Give honest sincere appreciation. It has to be honest otherwise people will notice. Appreciate and encourage people so that they feel better. Mention his name during the conversation, will make them feel important and will help you remember it. To make someone like you instantly, tell something nice that you truly like about him, something that you admire, it has to be honest sincere like a hair cut, shirt, ask about it.
Smile when meeting / talking to someone, be grateful.
Focus on what they want and need. Talk in terms of other people interests.
If there is any one secret of success, is getting other people point of view and see things from that persons angle as well as from you own.
Be an interested, honest, passionate listener.
Do not interrupt if you get an idea when someone else is talking.
Encourage others to talk about themselves. Always make the other person feel important.
Ask questions that they will enjoy answering. Find out what their passion is and talk and ask questions about it.
A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still. Never argue with someone even if you are right, you will make the other person feel bad. If you are right, then you have nothing to win.
How to address an argument:
Distrust your first reaction and analyse carefully the situation.
Control your tempter, be friendly.
Listen first to the other people's point of view.
Look for areas of agreement.
Be honest look for areas were you thought wrong and accept their point.
Tell them that you will think about the other points.
Thank you opponent for their sincere points and postpone a meeting for another day.
When you win an argument you jurt other peoples feelings. Don't say I am gioing to prove this and that, it seems you are saying you are smarter than them. Galileo said: You can not teach a man anything, you can help him to find it within himself.
Avoid telling people they are wrong, when listening to someone do not judge as a first reaction, but instead try to understand him and empathise.
Accept your mistakes, criticise yourself. If you did something wrong, they are more likely to forget it and forgive you.
Example: if you want your rent reduced rather than complaining and insulting the landlord tel him how much you like the apartment and tel him that you can not afford it anymore.
Avoid saying no. Find points of agreement. Agree on the purpose if you don't agree on the method
You have to make people say yes, keep open attitude for our ultimate purpose.
Talk in terms of other people interest. Look at things from other people point of view, agree view him and then change his mind by making him agree on you.
Put on other people's shoes, how would I react if I were him?
Always exaggerate your guilt tell how mad the other person must felt; that there is no excuse etc.
Say I don't blame you for how you feel, If I were you I would feel exactly the same.
To make people more efficient, simulate competition. I.E two shifts competing with each other to produce more, etc The desire of self-improvement to be challenged and to feel that you are worth, to game and do interesting work makes people more efficient
If you need something out of somebody begin with honest appreciation
Call attention on people's mistakes indirectly: To criticise people avoid using the word 'but'. I.E I like this but you should change that. Try saying instead I like this and if you continue working like this you will improve that. If the workers leave the garden dirty, clean it and pile all the trash on one side and call them telling that you are very happy with how they left it. The next morning they will leave it clean.
Do not give orders to people, make suggestions about how you would do something, ask them if this approach would work, maybe it would be better if... etc That way they will save their pride and they will be more cooperative.
Things to avoid:
Do not say 'like'
Do not apologize for everything
Do not eat too quick
Do not focus conversations on you
Do not talk too loud
Do not interrupt people
No nail biting